Total Drama Return to the Island: Hosting Canada

Total Drama Return to the Island
Hosting Canada
Written by TDThomasFan725

(Various clips of Chris McLean from Total Drama’s past seasons play with no audio.  It then cuts to Chris being interviewed by a reporter.)

Reporter: Chris, are you ready to be the guest host for Canada’s top rated late night talk show?

Chris: Oh yeah!  I’ll be sure to bring the ratings to an all-new high.  Plus it will be great to help green light another season of Total Drama.  I tell you,…

(Cuts to Chris’ interview on a TV in a dark room)

Chris: …this will be the best show ever.

(The TV turns off as the camera pans down to a chair with someone sitting in it with their back turned)

???: (Altered voice) So, you think you can host another show just to promote another Total Drama season huh?  We’ll I’m sorry to disappoint you, but that will never happen.  The show is fine where it ended, and everyone is happy to be away from your crap.  Also, I think your hosting skills are overrated.  How about you let someone else take over hosting duties for once?  Someone like…

(The chair turns around to reveal Topher)

Topher: (Normal voice) Me!  (He laughs as he gets out of the chair) I will be the one who delivers the best ratings for this show.  And instead of promoting a new season of a certain show, (he walks over to Chris; who is bound and gagged to another chair) I will go out and make this the funniest show, (looks into the camera) and fan fiction, (looks back at Chris) ever.

(Chris screams just as a producer shows up off-screen)

Producer: Topher, its show time.

Topher: Well, (he begins to push the chair that Chris is in) time to make some magic.  (They leave)

(Cuts to the intro)

Announcer: From Toronto, it’s “Hosting Canada”; the late night talk show where each night, a new guest host takes over to bring something new to late night.  Tonight’s host, from “Total Drama”; (a picture of Chris shows up before it is slapped over with Topher’s picture) Topher.  Join him and his guests, also from Total Drama; (the pictures of his guests show up every time they’re announced) Sky, Sammy, Gwen, Courtney, Brick, Devin and Carrie from “The Ridonculous Race”, and (another picture of Chris shows up) that’s it.  With Ridonculous Race host Don as the co-host.  Featuring “The Drama Brothers”.  And now, here’s tonight’s guest host; Topher.

(Cuts to the late night stage as the audience applauds.  Don is standing to the left side of the stage while The Drama Brothers (Trent, Harold, Cody, and Justin) play on the right side of the stage.  Topher then runs out still pushing Chris along.  He then lets go of him as he shoves him to the back of the stage before standing in front of the audience.)

Topher: Thank you everyone!  Thank you!  Well, welcome to Toronto, Canada.  Welcome to Hosting Canada.  I am your host; Topher.  Thanks everybody.  (Everyone cheers) I know what some of you readers are thinking; does my monologue and my intro with (points to Chris behind him) this one over here look familiar to you?  Well, this is a fan fiction and we can get away with ripping off a few things.  (Everyone laughs as Izzy runs up to him) I know, I broke the forth wall yet again.  (Chef arrives and takes Izzy away) Hey, if you read the description before you read this fic, you know there’s going to be some forth wall breaking here.  I mean, we already had a fun playful story, a dramatic story, and a heart-warming story during this great, but not as great as the Pahkitew Island re-write, Total Drama season.  So I think it’s time for a funny story and just go all out.  In this case; we’re, meaning the writer and this wonderful cast, are acknowledging that this is a fan fiction and we’re deciding to make fun of it, especially since this is the actual final part of Total Drama Return to the Island.

(Everyone laughs)

Topher: But don’t worry.  There will be some serious moments; just, not that much of it after I interview my guests.  (Everyone laughs again) Anyway, (Kitty walks up next to him) what is it?  (She takes out her phone and points to Chris) Oh, a selfie with him?  Why not!

(Topher and Kitty walk over to Chris.  Kitty holds her phone up while Topher makes the peace sign behind Chris’ head.  She takes the photo and shows it to Topher.)

Topher: That’s a keeper.  (She gives him a thumbs up and returns to her seat) Be sure to send me a lot of copies.  This could be my Christmas card to the fans.

(Everyone laughs)

Topher: Anyway, speaking of Chris, he tried to use this opportunity to promote another Total Drama season.  I mean, who wants that?

(Everyone is silent while crickets chirp off-screen)

Don: What if someone from my show used this to promote a new season of (the camera pans up close to his face) The Ridonculous Race?  (He smiles as his teeth bling)

(Everyone cheers)

Topher: Seriously people, get the broadcasters to release another season of Don’s amazing show.

Don: Thanks Topher!

Topher: My pleasure!  (He turns back to the audience) Alright onto what’s been making headlines in the world.  Some Canadians have managed to bring home some gold medals for us at this year’s Olympics.  (Everyone cheers) Funny story, originally we thought that Canada never won gold ever.  But it turns out; they have been winning some gold medals for the past few years.  (He calls out to Sky) Sorry Babe!  It looks like your goal to be the first Canadian Olympian to win gold will never happen.

Sky: (From backstage) That’s alright!  I’m done with the Olympics anyway.  I’ve moved on to dancing; and animal caretaking.

Topher: OK!  (He turns back to the audience) But anyway, congrats to our US neighbors for winning the overall medal count; 121 to be exact.  I guess if you want to train with the best, take a vacation there and learn from the best.  (The audience claps) And for our fellow American fans, please make sure the wife of one of your ex-presidents wins instead of that rich jerk face.

(Everyone Ooh’s and cheers)

Topher: We have a great show for you tonight.  When we come back, I’ll bring out my guests for the night so stick around.  Oh, but one last thing.  Today marks the one year anniversary when Total Drama Return to the Island aired on TV; or to the readers, 5 months.

(Everyone laughs and cheers as the band plays before fading to black)

(Commercial Break)

(Cuts back the stage with Topher sitting at the host’s desk)

Topher: Welcome back everyone!  Before I bring out my guest I’ve been informed by the producers that I needed to say more in my monologue but I kind of run out of things to say; or maybe it was the writer.

(Everyone laughs)

Don: Well, why not use that time to roast Chris.

Topher: Ooh, a celebrity roast.  I like it!  OK, how about after I interview my guests, we’ll all roast him together as part of our little fun and games segment?  (Everyone cheers) OK!  Now, my first two guests and very close friends who recently became sisters.  Please welcome my girlfriend Sky and her new sister, as well as the winner of Total Drama Return to the Island Sammy; because let’s face it, no one cares about Amy’s ending.

(Everyone laughs and cheers as Sky and Sammy walk out wearing their blue and pink dresses while walking in their flats.  Sammy’s pets (Valerie, Mittens, Judy, and Winter) follow behind her while Sky carries her now fully grown bunny Hope.  Both girls then sit down on the couch and remove their shoes as Sammy’s pets gather around them.  Topher then backs away a bit when Winter gets a little too close to him.)

Topher: Don’t even think about it.  I know you would never harm me but I still hate snakes regardless.

Sammy: Winter, how about you sit at the other end of the couch for a while until our interview is over.  (Winter does what Sammy says)

Topher: Thanks!  Next, they are Total Drama’s first ever gay couple; Gwen and Courtney.

(Everyone cheers as Gwen and Courtney walk onto the stage as they hold hands before they share a quick kiss.  They then sit next to Sky and Sammy.  Gwen then does a quick wave to Trent and Cody; who both of them wave back.)

Gwen: Thanks for having us here Topher; even though I’m still not a fan of yours.

Topher: I know!  I just brought you and Courtney here because I know how much you love to treat Chris like crap.

Courtney: More like treat him like (CENSORED).

(Everyone laughs while Chris looks angrily at her)

Topher: Hey, it’s late night TV.  We can swear as long as it’s still censored.  Next, he took care of our winner like the little sister he never had and he’s now become very popular in the fashion industry.  Let’s hear it for Brick.

(Everyone cheers as Brick walks outs.  His leg has fully recovered by this point.  He stands behind the couch right behind Sky and Sammy.)

Brick: (Salutes) Thanks for having me here soldier.

Topher: (Salutes) The pleasure is all mine.  And our final two guests have recently just got married and man what a wedding it was.  Say hello to Devin and Carrie.

(Everyone cheers as Devin and Carrie walk out and stand right behind Gwen and Courtney)

Topher: Welcome to everyone that is here.

Devin Thanks Topher!

Topher: So, how’s it been going for you two?

Carrie: Well Devin and I went on our honeymoon in Hawaii after our wedding.

Topher: That’s great!  Anything else?

Devin: Not really!  It’s been a little bit slow since the wedding.  We did however get a new rabbit for our new home over half a year ago.  And we do hope that another Ridonculous Race starts up soon because we miss racing with our friends around the world.

Topher: Speaking of going around the world, Carrie, you just finished a worldwide journey across the globe completely barefoot.  How was that?

Carrie: It was great!  I’ve been to so many great places that I hope to visit them again; maybe if another race does get green lit.

Topher: Did your feet hurt at all while you were on your journey?

Carrie: Not at all!  It actually felt great.  Now I can see why Sammy and now Sky love walking around barefoot all the time.

(Sky and Sammy giggle and blush)

Topher: Good to hear!  Also I just saw the movie where you made your little cameo.  The movie was alright, but you, you were the real show stealer in that picture.  You should have a career as a movie actress.

Carrie: Awe, thanks!  Maybe I will.

Topher: (To Brick) So Brick, you’ve become quite the talk of the town when it comes to fashion.  You’re even going viral on Tom and Jen’s Fashion Blog.

Brick: Yeah!  When I started out, I thought my fashion career would have ended before it began.  But now look at me; I’m one of the biggest names in fashion.

Topher: Where do you get some of your inspiration?

Brick: Basically from my military background and from dating my girlfriend Dawn; who by the way is back home taking care of her animals like she always loves to do.

Topher: That’s good!  What does your Squadron and your Drill Sargent think about you pressuring your new dream?

Brick: They are sad that I left, but at the same time they are proud of me and that they were happy to serve with me.

Topher: Good!  (To Gwen and Courtney) So, how’s life been treating you too; even though I already know the answer to this?

Gwen: If you’re thinking that it’s getting better for us now that we are no longer slaves and punching bags to Chris then yes you are right.

Topher: Yep, I was right.  Sorry to ask but, are you two planning on getting married anytime soon?  You two look so happy together.

Courtney: Funny you should ask that because just yesterday I proposed to Gwen.  And before I could even get the ring out, she said “Yes” right away.  (Gwen shows off the ring) We still have our cut of the million that Samey; oh I mean Sammy, gave us so we’ll use that to fund our wedding.  And you guys are invited to come along.

Sky: Awesome!

Sammy: Thanks!

Devin: Sweet!

Topher: And I take it that I’m not invited to it.

Gwen: Actually, how about you act as one of our bodyguards; mainly to keep your captive over there from ruining our big day.

(Chris just looks annoyingly at her)

Topher: Deal!  (To Sky and Sammy) And finally, the two biggest stars of last season.  I think the first thing that everyone wants to know is how your parents got married; making you both official sisters?

Sky: Well, on my 18th birthday, the day I got to keep (she holds up Hope) this little one, me, my sister, and my mom moved into the apartment that Sammy and her father were staying in.  My mom wasn’t happy about where she was working because it was keeping her form seeing us all the time.  So she quit her job and then sold our house so we could move in with Sammy.

Sammy: The 5 of us now run the shop together; which has gotten really popular lately.  All of Sky’s stuff was moved to her room, but most of the time she just bunks in with me.  Every night is a sleepover for us.

(They both hug as everyone goes “Awe”)

Topher: If only you two had ice cream.  Then it would REALLY be a sleepover.

(Everyone laughs)

Sky: Anyway, my mom and her dad got to know each other a little bit more when we weren’t running the shop and said that seeing their children happy was all that mattered to them.  They also knew how special Sammy and I were together.  So one day, they decided to get married for us to become an official family about two months later.  And that’s basically how it happened.

Sammy: However, Daddy did ask Mommy if it was alright for him to marry another woman.  She was completely fine with it since they weren’t together anymore.  And she also thought that marrying Sky’s Mother would be the best thing for me and Sky.  Now we can hang out 24/7.

(Everyone Awe’s again as the camera quickly cuts to Sky’s Mother, Sky’s Sister and Sammy’s Father for a few seconds)

Topher: Speaking about you two being together all the time, one of our fans thought that you two should have become a couple because of all the time you two spent together on the island as well as you taking care of Sky and making her happy again when she needed it.

Sammy: Well, that would have been a good idea, but we’re sisters now.  And if I started dating my own sister, it would be strange.  But if I had to, it would be with her and not Amy.

Topher: Oh yeah, what happened to her?  We haven’t seen her in months.

Sammy: One word; Juvie!  She did so many illegal things after I moved out that she got kicked out of her house and was sent there for a few years.

Topher: Serves her right.  Anyway, back to the concept of you and Sky being a couple.  All I have to say about it is that if I lost her to you, well, I would have been fine with that.  I like seeing you two together and if Sky’s happy, then I’m happy.

Sky: Awe, thanks Topher!  (She leans over and gives him a kiss on the cheek)

Topher: Another thing that some of the fans have been saying is that this season focused too much on you even after you left.

Peter (Me): (From above, off-screen) Well what do you expect when you’re someone who likes to write stories about his all-time favorite Total Drama character.

(Sky giggles and blushes while everyone else laughs)

Topher: Well, that answers that.  Well, that’s it for our interview.  When we come back, we will roast (points to Chris) this old man.  So don’t go anywhere.  We’ll be right back.

(Everyone cheers as the band plays before fading to black)

(Commercial Break)

(Cuts back the stage with Topher sitting at the host’s desk.  Sky and Sammy have switched places with Gwen and Courtney.  Carrie is now holding Hope.  Chris is sitting next to Topher.)

Topher: Welcome back!  During the break Sky and Sammy switched sides with Gwen and Courtney; mainly because they wanted to get a little comfy by having their snake wrap them up for comfort as they snuggle up together.  And I can see that they’re other pets decided to settle down with them.  Even though late night shows are pre-recorded, this one is live so it’s actually midnight right now.  (To Sky and Sammy) If you two want to take a nap for a while that’s fine with us.

Sky: No, were good.

Sammy: We just had a busy day so we’re just trying to relax before our closing performance.

Topher: Oh yeah that’s right.  At the end of the show, Sky and Sammy will perform a new dance for their upcoming dance contest.  By the way, how was the last contest?

Sky: I took second place this time.  The judges did like my flips, but they said it felt a little too athletic to be a dance.  But I still had fun regardless.

Topher: Glad that you still had fun.  (He turns back to the audience) Also we will be torturing Chris again in another game, and we will be doing another game from “Whose Line is it Anyway?”.  But right now it’s time for a little celebrity roast.  Tonight’s victim is the one and only Chris McLean.  Ha, how does it feel to be the victim this time around?

(Chris growls while everyone else laughs)

Topher: OK, it’s anybody’s turn so go right ahead.  Let him have it!

Courtney: Actually Topher, we can’t start yet.

Topher: Why’s that?

Courtney: We need to replace the gag with an apple.  Then we can really roast him.

(Everyone laughs)

Topher: Ha, I see what you did there.  Good one!  Anyone else?

Gwen: I like to give Chris something.  Have you guys heard the saying “Two birds in a hand”?

Devin: I think so.

Gwen: Well then, let me show you what it means.

(She walks up to Chris and lays her hands in his right palm.  She the sticks up both of her middle fingers (CENSORED) and everyone cracks up.)

Topher: Two birds in a hand; flip together.  HA!  Who’s next?

Brick: I got nothing!

Carrie: Me neither!  I pretty much made my insult to him back in the Aftermath.

Devin: I might have something.

Topher: OK!

Devin: Well, we all know that Chris almost ruined mine and Carrie’s wedding.  But that wasn’t the first wedding that he tried to ruin.  Do you know which one that was?

Brick: What?

Devin: His own!  How do you think he’s single all the time?  (Everyone laughs) And who would want to date him?  He’s just a kid in an old man’s body; a really sick messed up kid in a creepy old man’s body.

(Everyone laughs even harder)

Topher: I know these roast aren’t as good as the others you might have seen on TV; but I admit that that one is good.  (To you, the reader) If you like to roast Chris type your response in the comments section below; but be sure to censor any bad language because this is a PG rated fan fictioin.  (To his guests) Sky, Sammy, do you want to take a crack at it?

Sky: Oh, I got one!  (To Chris) Chris, remember that mini-series you wanted to do with me?  (He nods) Well, I just got it green lit.  (Everyone gasps while he smiles) Yep, “YOU” get to do all the humiliating and disgusting challenges while “I” host and laugh at your pathetic misery.

(Chris looks shocked while everyone laughs in relief)

Topher: That’s my girl!  Sammy?

Sammy: Well everyone knows him a Chris right?  Well, I’ve been talking to his friends, before they ditched him.  And they used to call him Christina McLean.  (Everyone tries to hold in their laughs until the joke was over) That’s right; Chris McLean used to be a girl.

(Everyone burst out laughing)

Brick: Oh wait!  You just gave me something.  Maybe he wasn’t born a girl, but maybe he was born to be a cross-dresser.

(Everyone laughs so hard that they nearly fall out of their seats.  Chris begins to sob a little bit.)

Topher: Oh don’t cry Chris.  Here, let me shake the hand of the greatest host in animated reality TV.

(Chris smiles a bit as Topher gets up.  He then walks past him as her walks over to Don and shakes his hand.  Chris begins to sob again while everyone continues to laugh.)

Carrie: I don’t know if all the stuff we said was real or if it’s just too humiliating for him to take.

Topher: Well real or not, insulting him is the idea of roasting him.  (He sighs) We’re going to continue roasting him while we take a break.  We’ll be right back with our next game after this.

(Everyone continues to laugh as the band plays before fading to black)

(Commercial Break)

(Cuts back the stage with Topher sitting at the host’s desk.  Sky and Sammy are still snuggled up and wrapped up together with Carrie sitting next to them.  Gwen, Courtney, Devin, and Brick are standing on the stage.)

Topher: And we’re back!  Man I wish they would show us laughing our butts off while they showed the commercials in the bottom corner of the screen because it was a huge laugh fest during the break.  Anyway, it’s time for another game from Whose Line just like what Sammy, Brick, and I did in episode 11.  This game, which we forgot the name to it, is where these four on stage are going to improvise a scene all while taking a piece of paper out of their pockets and use whatever the audience wrote down on them to make the scene even funnier.  If you guys are ready, best of luck to you.

Devin: So, I hear that you found yourself a new girlfriend.

Brick: Yes I did!  I can remember the first time I saw her.  (He takes a piece of paper out of his pocket) I walked up to her and I said (he reads it) “Does the carpet match the drapes?”.

(Everyone laughs)

Devin: She must be a very lucky girl.  I for one found myself a new girlfriend too.

Brick: Oh did ya?

Devin: (As he takes out a piece of paper) Yep!  I first met her in a clothing store.  She was so beautiful that I walked up to her and said (he reads it) “Does this skirt make my butt look big?”.

(Everyone laughs)

Brick: Ooh wait, here she comes.  (Courtney walks up to him) Hi babe!

Courtney: Hello dear!

Devin: (Annoyed) YOU JERK!  That’s the girl I just told you about.  (To Courtney) How could you betray me like this?

Courtney: (Confused) I thought we were just having a friendly conversation.  It wasn’t like we were going to become a thing.

Devin: (Gasps) I’m hurt!  I thought that we instantly fell for each other when we first met.  I told you does this skirt make my butt look big and what did you say back to me that made us fall head over heels for each other?

Courtney: (As she pulls out a piece of paper) Of course I do.  I said… (she reads it and cracks up) I said… (she keeps on laughing) “Why don’t you check my back porch?”.

(Everyone cracks up)

Devin: (Recovering, to Brick) You see, there’s your proof that she and I are together.

Brick: Well that’s strange because (he grabs a piece of paper) when she met me the first thing she said was (he reads it) “I hate you”.

(Everyone laughs)

Devin: Ha, she does prefer me over you.  (He holds Courtney)

Brick: Well, if that’s how you feel, then I’ll find someone else.  Someone like (Gwen walks up to them and he holds her) her.

Cody: Hey!

Trent: Easy!  It’s just an act.

Cody: Sorry; force of habit.

Gwen: Wow, this is all sudden.  I don’t know what to say.

Brick: (As he grabs another piece) I’ll say it for you.  (He reads it) “Mommy, this girl scares me.”

(Everyone laughs)

Devin: Well if she scares you, why don’t you come with me?

Brick: You already have one girl; two if you count your wife.

(Everyone Ooh’s while Carrie blushes in laughter)

Devin: I am offended that you would say such things.  You know, (he grabs another piece) I’ve just got to say that (he reads it) “You smell like chocolate”.

(Everyone laughs)

Brick: (He takes out another piece and reads it) “I need you!”

(Everyone cracks up)

Devin: (Stunned) OK, now I’m a changed man.  (To Courtney) Sorry babe!  (He and Brick hug) Sorry!

Brick: What should we do?

Devin: (As her takes another piece and reads it) “Jump off a cliff.”

(Everyone laughs)

Brick: OK!  (They walk off-stage)

Courtney: (To Gwen) Now what am I going to do?

Gwen: (As she takes out a piece and reads it) “Get naked with me?”

(Everyone laughs while Chris throws up in his mouth)

Courtney: (Blushes) Lead the way!  (They leave)

(Everyone returns to the couch as everyone continues to laugh)

Topher: That was funny, but maybe we should have done “Scenes from a Hat” instead.

Carrie: Maybe we could do that.

Topher: Unfortunately if we do, we’ll have to cut out one of the last two acts.  We can do that once we’re off the air though.

Carrie: OK!

Topher: Anyway, 100 points to all 4 of our performers.  (Everyone claps) Stay where you are.  There’s more right after these messages.

(Everyone cheers as the band plays before fading to black)

(Commercial Break)

(Cuts back the stage)

Topher: Welcome back to this really silly edition of Hosting Canada.  During the break we had to replace Chris’ gag because he gagged and barfed at Gwen’s statement in our last game.  And let me tell you, he cried like a baby when we were changing him.

Gwen: Wait, do you mean his gag or his adult diaper?

(Everyone laughs)

Topher: I guess the roast fest continues, and it will with our final game.  This one’s called “Wheel of Torture”.  We would have an animation for when we announce each segment, but we, again meaning us and the writer, were too lazy to do them.  (Everyone laughs) In this game, my guests and I will take turns spinning this wheel (the camera pans out to reveal a big wheel next to Chris) and whatever it lands on, that’s what you get to do to him.  So if everyone will line up for me?  (His guests line up; as well as Don) OK, I see Don wants a piece of Chris too; fine by me.  Alright, let’s do this.  I’ll go first since I’m the host.

Gwen: Of course!

(Topher spins the wheel and it lands on a picture of a balloon)

Topher: Ooh, I get to throw a balloon at you.  (Chef hands him some balloons) Hey Chris, remember when Dave got me with a balloon full of spiders?  (Chris moans in fear) Well, let’s see how you like it.

(He throws the balloons at him and soon Chris is covered in spiders as he starts panicking.  Everyone laughs at him.  Dawn then shows up out of nowhere and takes all the spiders away before disappearing.)

Brick: (Sighs romantically) You got to love it when she appears out of thin air.

Topher: And you got to love it when Chris freaks out about that.  (Chris shivers in fear a little bit) OK, who’s next?

(Sky walks up to the wheel and spins it.  It lands on a picture of some cream pies.  Chef wheels in a cart full of pies.  Sky then picks up the pies one by one and starts throwing them at Chris.  She does however wipe some of the cream off one of the pies and eats it; which she then sits aside for everyone to share later on.)

Sky: Hey Sammy, next slumber party we have when we go camping, you and me, pie fight.

Sammy: OK!

(Sky keeps at it until all but the pie she saved has been thrown)

Topher: Nice!  OK Sammy, you’re up.  (Sammy spins the wheel and it lands on a question mark) Good news Sammy, you can choose whatever kind of torture you want Chris to endure.

(Sammy then sees Valerie acting a little bit funny)

Sammy: Oh Valerie, do you need to do your business?  Come here!  (Valerie comes to her)

Gwen: (Chuckles, to Courtney) I know what she plans to do.

Sammy: I did tell you shouldn’t use the bathroom on anyone.  But for Chris, I’ll make an exception.

(Valerie walks over Chris’ left shoe and it cuts to everyone else as she does her business off-screen)

Courtney: (Giggles, to Gwen) You’re right!

(Valerie returns to the other animals when she was done.  Chris begins to sob with humiliation as everyone cracks up.)

Topher: Way to go Val!  I’ll be sure to get someone to clean that up later.  Gwen, Courtney, do you two want to share the next one?

(Gwen and Courtney spin the wheel together and it lands on a make-up kit)

Topher: MAKE UP!  (The make-up crew arrives) Give these girls your kit.  (They hand them the kit and they get started on Chris) Oh I can tell that when they’re done with Chris, he’s going to look FABULOUS!

(After about 30 seconds, Gwen and Courtney are done and show off their masterpiece.  Chris really did look like a girl now; a very ugly looking girl.  Everyone laughs at him as Chris begins to cry; causing his mascara to run.)

Don: Now that’s one ugly woman.  I guess Sammy was right about him being a girl this whole time.

Courtney: Then all we need is to give him a bra and he’ll really look the part.

Gwen: I know where we can get one.  (She runs over to Cody) Give me my bra back.  I know you took it back in season 1.  (Cody is a little bit worried) I’ll give it back to you when I’m done.  I promise!  (Cody hands her the bra and she lays it on top of Chris) There, now he really is a cross-dresser.  (Everyone laughs as Gwen tosses her bra back to Cody) Consider this as a friendship gift from me to you.  (Cody smiles at her)

Topher: Well done ladies!  OK, we have time for one more form of torture before we have to cut to commercial.  Who wants it?

Don: I’ll take it!

Topher: Sure thing Don.  And you don’t have to spin the wheel.  Just give it to him.

(Don walks up to Chris and pushes him towards the exit.  Cuts to him picking Chris up, still tied and gagged to the chair, and then tossing him into a dumpster just as a garbage truck shows up to collect the garbage and takes it, and Chris, to the dump.  Don then walks back inside and arrives back on stage.)

Don: I hope Chris enjoys his new home.

(Everyone cheers)

Topher: Well done Don!  Everyone, we’ll be right back with Sky and Sammy closing the show with a little dance routine they’ve been working on for their next dance competition.

(Everyone cheers as the band plays before fading to black)

(Commercial Break)

(Cuts back the stage with Topher sitting at the host’s desk while holding Hope)

Topher: And now to close our show for the night, here to perform an all-new dance routine, here are Sky and Sammy.

(Everyone claps as the band starts to play.  Sammy stands still while Sky crouches down on the floor as a spotlight is shown on both of them.  Sammy then runs up to Sky and gets down on her knees as she hugs her.  Sky then hugs her back and they both get up as they twirl across the floor.  They then jump as if they are jumping into water and pretend that they are swimming.  Sky then pretends that she is drowning as Sammy picks her up and holds her.  They both dance close to each other until Sammy pretends that something is pulling her away.  Sky then pretends to kick whatever is taking Sammy away.  They share another hug as they sat on the floor and rolled around, waved their arms, pretend to throw things at each other, and danced as if they were playing together.  Sky then points upward; causing both girls to get up and leap their way to wherever Sky was pointing.  Sammy then runs to the other end of the stage and pretends to tug on something while Sky roots for her.  Sammy then does a backflip and falls backwards onto the floor as Sky kneels down to her.  Sammy raises her arms into the air as Sky puts her hand together before they both hold each other’s hands and press their heads together.  The music then stops as the lights turn back on while everybody cheers.  Topher claps as his guests, Sky’s Sister, Sky’s Mother, and Sammy’s Father walk up to them and give the two girls a hug.)

Topher: Beautiful, just beautiful!  Well, that’s it for this episode of Hosting Canada.  To be honest it feels more like another Aftermath more than a late night talk show.  Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed the show as well as this official conclusion to Total Drama Return to the Island.  Good night everybody!

(The audience applauds as everyone continued to congratulate Sky and Sammy on their dance as the end credits roll)

(THE END)